I have to tell you I’m feeling a bit worn out.
We have three rooms that are right in the middle of renovating.
We have stacks of flooring to install.
Many walls to paint. Many.
The house is, quite frankly, a mess.
After I painted for six hours yesterday, Dean was late for dinner, we rushed to soccer, rushed home, grounded a child for lying (not the first time, I’m afraid) and then Dean rushed off to play baseball.
While I ushered three kids through showers and listened to one (the one we grounded) wail for an hour.
I feel like I’m stuck between the glorious fun of summer and the longed-for routine of fall.
The kids are still hanging out all day with no structure and no school.
I’m working on schedules and planning and lists and projects.
And I’m mentally tired.
I can see in my head how the house will look when current projects are finished. And I’m frustrated with the in-between.
I think after three years of renovating the bungalow and selling it basically finished, I forgot what the chaos was really like.
The mess of the middle.
And I wish I had more time.
I want to exercise and lose weight, but the habit of consuming keeps storming back every time I feel a little stress. And I just can’t seem to keep the focus to plod along the right path consistently.
And yet, I know that I know that I know that it’s really not that bad.
That this is just life. A season in life, at that.
And deep down I’m truly grateful.
I’m thankful that I have three healthy kids to love. And they won’t always ask me so many questions. Or want to spend time with me. And one day my homeschool teaching will come to an end.
And I’m thankful that Dean has a job and a good car to bring him home in. And that he’s healthy and loves to play ball so much.
I’m so thankful for this house on a quiet court with just enough space for the five of us. I’m thankful for sponsors who appreciate our voice enough to want to work with us on projects.
I’m totally aware that I may one day (God-willing not for a long time!) run out of ideas and have more time than I know what to do with.
I know that I have a God and Savior who loves me and holds me in His hands, even when I feel overwhelmed and ungrateful.
And when I remember that, that is when I feel most blessed. Even if I still feel tired.
Anyone up for a chick-flick?
All images are from Instagram. Follow us for bits and pieces of our days!